Sharon and Tim Sayers started out on their fostering journey with the intention of providing short-terms placements for children who needed somewhere to stay. But when it came to their third foster child, the Leicester parents, aged 60 and 62 respectively, decided to give him a forever home.
They told LeicestershireLive they wanted the now teenage boy to “have a stable home life” and they could not come to terms with not knowing “what would have happened to him” if he left them. The boy, who we cannot name for safeguarding reasons, will have been living with the Sayers for eight years next month. Ms Sayers said she and her husband, who have also adult children, “love him” like he was their “own son”.
Bringing the child into their family has had its “ups and downs”, she added. Their foster son has additional needs and, at times, “a lot of resilience was needed”. However, there are little things, like hearing him refer to them as “mum” and “dad”, which make the perseverance worth it.
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Ms Sayers said: “It makes me smile when I hear him talking to his friends and he’ll say ‘no, I can’t do that. My mom said I can’t.’ He sees me as that, and it’s that [sense of] belonging.
“He knows that he belongs here. This is his home and, whatever happens, it will always be there. That’s what we always say to him. We don’t know what the future holds, but this is his home for forever.”
“That (calling them mum and dad) means he’s settled,” Mr Sayers added, “and that’s the important thing, for a child to be settled and feel safe. It comes as a kind of a breakthrough because it’s always very challenging for the child up to that point. They’re just staying in your house and then it changes, that relationship changes, when that happens.”
Mr and Mrs Sayers said they foster the child through Barnardos, which has given them “really helpful” support and training since they began the journey with the charity. Fostering with the charity has also allowed them to meet other parents in the same situation and build a support system.
They said: “You realize you’re not alone and that’s very handy sometimes. If we say ‘oh we’ve experienced this kind of difficulty’ and then other foster carers will say ‘yes, we’ve had that problem’. So then it’s easier to manage, I guess, because you realise, you’re not really doing anything wrong.”
The family also have a Barnardos social worker, who Mr and Mrs Sayers said checks in once a month but who they can also just call up if they need to and he will be “very proactive”.
A foster family measuring the children’s heights in 1939
(Image: Barnardos)
LeicestershireLive asked the couple if they had any advice for other people who are considering fostering. Mrs Sayers said people should just go to a meeting with an organisation like Barnardos as a first step.
She added: “When we went to [our] first meeting, we didn’t go there thinking ‘oh, yeah, in six months’ time we’ll be fostering’. We went with an open mind, thinking ‘let’s just see what this is about, can we do this and all the things that go with it’.”
They also advised people to talk to someone they know who already fosters, if possible. Mrs Sayers said those conversations were “invaluable” for her.
She added: “When I think of fostering, I think of the very basic needs that we presume every child has. So, you’ve got your food and water, as we know, but there’s so much more to it. There’s that emotional [support], and providing a safe, secure, loving home, which sounds very simple, and I think most people can provide that.
“You don’t have to live in a mansion or have lots of money. If you’ve got the basics, then, you’re providing something really wonderful for a child and giving them a chance, an opportunity, to become what they can become in life, whatever that may be.”
Barnardo’s is encouraging families across Leicestershire and the wider Midlands to consider fostering, saying there are now “record numbers of children entering the care system”. The charity has labelled this a “national crisis”.
A foster family reading together in 1954
(Image: Barnardos)
In a campaign to increase fostering levels, the charity has also opened its archive and released photographs of families from the last century. Brenda Farrell, UK Director of Fostering and Adoption for Barnardo’s, said: “Barnardo’s archives hold the history of fostering in the UK.
“We’re sharing these powerful images to demonstrate how people have been bringing children into their families for over 150 years. While it’s wonderful to see these snapshots of history, we’re sharing them against the backdrop of a very real crisis in our society today.
“Having supported children for almost 150 years, we urgently need more people to come forward and consider becoming foster carers to play their part in continuing this legacy. Right now, the UK is facing a foster care crisis at an unprecedented rate, with a record number of children entering the care system and an insufficient number of loving homes to accommodate them.”
She added: “The impact of the crisis is felt most by children in the care system. Without enough potential foster placements, children are already at risk of being placed in unsuitable situations as a last resort.”
Ofsted reported that the number of applications received from prospective fostering households in 2022 to 2023 was around 8,000. This is the lowest number in several years and is 18 per cent lower than in 2018 to 2019, Barnardos said.